Broomstick elbow

Broomstick elbow, now that did sound a little odd, even to me. Let me start again, Sachin Tendulkar..there there , now I have your attention and can almost see that smile broadening on your faces. Everyone must have guessed what is coming next…Tennis elbow ! ‘The Tendulkar elbow’ could have easily been a synonym to this infliction which affects many who have never held a racquet or a bat of any kind. I feel that there is a certain elitist stigma attached to the name Tennis elbow or golfers elbow. Why do I say this ? Well, for a minute imagine an ailment being called the ” Jharu elbow” or in a more stylized way the “broomstick elbow”. No, it will not be correct, the ailment will almost lose its identity. To come to my story, I got inflicted with tennis elbow (epicondylitis) a few weeks back and yes, it was caused with the excessive use of the racquet…called Jharu . Now every pro has a con, the con in this situation is that my right hand is in pain and has become almost non functional , and the pro is that my left hand has been suddenly promoted from being a supporting actor to a lead actor ; so much so that I am close to calling myself ambidextrous very soon. In fact am typing away with perfect ease ( not really ) with my left. But there will be no leftist inclination or right wing fascination in my writing . My left supports my right and vice versa in this condition of severe physical discomfort and lock down challenges.

With every passing day of lock down each of us are waiting eagerly for something or the other we would like to have back in our life. I am conflicted. My wish is so unimportant in the larger scheme of things but still with one non functional hand I really want my house help to come back to work. Her absence has made me appreciate her contributions in my house more than ever before. I want Kanta Bai / Sabita mashi back in my life. I wonder if I have ever heard any of my domestic helps ever getting tennis elbow, but surely they do much more physical labor than me. All the years of weight training in the gym had definitely not trained me for this, the broomstick enigma. Along with other house hold chores I have started doing a few dance steps on a daily basis. Not the tango or salsa type, the steps to my dance are easy, all it requires is a wet mop under my feet and I glide along the floor from room to room , some may call it mopping, but I call it my mop- dance. Whether the floor is shining or I am getting better at mop- dance is quite debatable.

A larger debate is knocking my mind. After the lock down is over, once we start returning to our new- normal, can we continue living unaffected by things around us in our blissful ivory towers? Certainly not. It will no more be right to live in disconnect ; disconnected with world of human pain and distress. My mundane existence with the struggles of a day’s chore seem very small in comparison to the reality. Every day I have seen, read and heard of so many good Samaritans who have come forward and contributed their bit to the society in various ways. I call my infliction elitist with the gun of sarcasm pointed right into my ever noisy brain. The difference between the them and us are blurring. The people who come to our house for work, the migrants who blend in so well with the populace that we forget of them to be migrants, the every day service providers of various sectors, they are stronger than me in will, strength, resilience and much more. The difference is humbling. And then the virus has also made us realize that life is the biggest equalizer. It does not chose us seeing our economic or social bearing, and in fear we hide behind our masks. For the first time in our lives we are all wearing the same mask. The mask of fear, a fear of the unknown suffering. This masquerade will end some day. On that day humanity will emerge with a more compassionate, sensible, human face. We can no more take this planet and people for granted, we are not here to stay forever, we are just making a journey, we are only passing through.

Coming back to a more engaging problem at hand ( literally..my right hand ), the agony of typing as each muscle twitches with pain has made me come to a resolve. After rest and recoup, I intend to learn tennis. I want to pick up that tennis racquet at least for once and hit a few balls in Sania Mirza style, across the court. Here I am at an advantage point, I have a coach at home, the husband is a very good tennis player…or at least used to be a few decades ago ! So next time I get a pain in my elbow I will proudly call it The Elitist Tennis Elbow, and not ” The Broomstick Elbow “. If I have to bear the pain then let me add some style to it. Till my elbow recovers, adieu from this blogger.

Love StoryΒ 

Love in the times of corona is not easy. I was thinking about all the lovers, all the boy-friends and girl-friends who have been locked up in different homes and cannot meet in this lock down period of corona. To them and many others who are away from their loved ones be it your children, parents, spouse or other people you care for, be patient and wise for this too shall pass. You can lock down your homes but not your hearts. We will have to resume our normal days from where we had left. The parks, cinema halls, class rooms, canteen, coffee shops, shopping arcades, food courts, and all the other places where love thrived between stolen glances and stolen hearts will once more buzz with life and love. If anything, the distance will make us appreciate relationships much more.

Today I will write about an old love story, a story of strong relationship ; the balcony type love story. The love story of DJ. Sometimes I affectionately call this couple DJ. D is the woman and J is the man. Let me now tell you ‘ ek choti is prem kahani ‘ of my DJ. Years back when D was still in high school and J in his medical school they fell in love, as I said …the balcony type love…”first time dekha tumhe hum kho gaya, second time mein love ho gaya “. Then that happened… what happens in most love stories ! The parents found out πŸ˜‚.Those days the parents did not celebrate children’s “love affairs” like today . A tiny bit of filmy reaction to every ‘ pyar ka panchnama ‘ was quite expected by one and all. DJ also went through their share of the drama, first shock, then ” how could you ? ” ,then admonishing, gradual acceptance, and at last like a happy ending…dhum dham shadi …everything happened in exact predictable chronology. Ever since , they have been living happily .

Now to come back to the present times. Just before the virus hit us, just before we got locked down in our houses, DJ met with a crisis of their own. Around the middle of February D met with an accident at home. She fell from the staircase of her duplex house and fractured her leg. Her leg was put in a modern day cast…a shoe which can be opened and worn at will. Just like the Cinderella πŸ‘  shoes this orthopaedic magical shoe fit her dainty fractured feet perfectly. As soon as D would wear this magical shoe she could go around doing her manmarziyan and the moment she would open her shoe she would lose all her powers and become the poor princess chained to her bed.

This is a love story, and a twist in the story is inevitable . Seeing D in all this pain and frustration ( despite the Cinderella shoe ) ‘Jill came tumbling after’…..( oops it’s J) . Don’t panic , he did not fall ; Fall in love … yes…. but not a literal fall ! What happened is that osteoarthritis hit him hard. His knee got inflamed and took away most of his mobility. So now DJ were bed bound…holding hand and 😻 looking into each other’s eyes.

DJ are very close to my heart. Thus, when they were in this predicament my heart strings pulled me to their beautiful home for a few days. After doing the regular rounds to the orthopaedic, X-ray rooms, I settled DJ in their love nest. I am a regular gym person. So I never questioned my physical ability to run up and down the steps in their house . But I soon realized that the stepper at the gym was much kinder than the steps of the house. Hats off to DJ, I will never again frown at their lack of physical exercise, they do much more than any average person on any given day .

DJ gradually settled into a make shift routine of their own, with a subtle sense of harmony. They would finish all their love talk by the day because evening hours were reserved for visitors. So many friends would visit them everyday, with ” get well” messages. DJ are loved by one and all, they are the cutest love birds ; their love stories are many , but that is for another time. DJ’s friends brought in flowers, sweets, food, but most importantly they walked in with laughter and smile to cheer them up. One neighbor took over the responsibility of locking their front door at night and opening it early in the morning. In an ironical sense DJ’ s lock down had already begun. I understood that now DJ were perched on the best nest possible and were being looked after well by friends. I gracefully exited , leaving the love birds alone to rest and recoup.

Fast forward the story by another two weeks and the virus attack hit our country . I was already back in my own house. DJ were also not spared from this harsh reality. They too stocked up their groceries and requested their house helps to get back to their respective homes and stay in isolation. What a brave decision for a couple living in a duplex house with one fractured leg and the other painful leg ..all by themselves. They must have looked into each other’s eyes and said ” we have got this “.

Nowadays I speak to DJ everyday on phone. The only thing I can do under the changed circumstances. Their love story continues even amidst all the hardship. As D gets down the steps ( remember Cinderella shoes ), J stands three steps above keeping an eye on her. D rolls the chapati and J lays down the table, J waters the plants, D washes the dishes, J brews the tea , D makes the bed . It is not easy, but they are managing. As all senior people are managing. True love conquers all impediments. These are the commitments every love story craves for.

Did any one ask.. fight scenes ? Of course there are many fight scenes. Like you and me, DJ too fight a lot. They fight over the tv remote, they fight over the volume of the tv, they fight over talking on the phone on loudspeaker mode, they fight over who will get up from the bed to switch off the fan when the air conditioning makes the room too cold . But who finally gets off the bed , or who has the last word I really don’t know. Somethings are best left for the love birds to sort it between themselves. Once the virus leaves us free, I plan to go over and give DJ a tight hug and let the virus know…Love is also contagious .

Working Mom

Okay, the son ( the person who pushes me to writing ) gave another ultimatum today. The conversation on w.app video ( the only way to stay connected with him) went something like this.

Son: “Ma, you know you have a thing called iPad, you remember na that it is not meant to kept charged at 100% all the time ! If you use it for typing once in a while it won’t explode.” I hear the sarcasm in his tone and try to dodge it with …

Me: “Babu , I do not think anyone is interested in reading my idle blog in these stressful times.”

Son :”Well, I will read. Write for me. Write for only one reader – me.”

Well, when has the mother denied her son of anything. But the lazy fingers objected, and I came up with another excuse ….

Me : “You know I generally write and post my blogs on weekends , assuming people will have some free time to read over the weekends.”

Son : “Ma, every day seems like a weekend these days. Though we are working, but we are home. So stop procrastinating and write.”

After this conversation I ran out of valid arguments and gave him a half hearted promise to write something. Life is in a sad state these days, I will try to laugh a bit but at my own cost. In an attempt to be funny if sentiments are hurt, pardon me.

It was the Holi weekend when the daughter came home to spread her joy and spend some time with Ma. This was a long weekend, what with the festival falling on Tuesday and Monday slated to be WFH. I had four long days to pamper her silly. The fridge was stocked with her favorite dishes, families were invited home for lunch, my holiday spirit was set. Yes , the virus attack had started by then, we had no plans to play colour, or go out for shopping, yet quarantine was still not on our minds. Before the weekend was over , reality started hitting us in rolling waves. The news on television was scary. Daughter’s office declared a work from home / no travel ( her work includes travel) . And so started the Home Office story.

A small disclaimer at this point about my family. We are not totally dysfunctional, but we don’t always work in sync with each other ! We often bond over silence ( I am the only one who talks as though my life depends on it ), we don’t give hugs and kisses easy ( I am the only one who needs these touchy things ), and lastly we four stay in four different cities ( I alone live at home). You do get the trend here, the children are blessed more with the father’s genes and I am playing an unequal game of 3:1 . My children have been out of home after schooling, now they are working individuals. The husband too has to stay away from home ( working) for most part of the year. It is certainly not my doing (though I would love to drive him crazy most of the time, but driving him out of the house is never my intention) . In the absence of three major players of the family my house has become my open field, where I get to make the rules and play the game my way. Now under the changed circumstances the two other players are about to enter or have already entered the field, that is home.

Week one begins. The daughter is disgruntled about this work from home business. She proclaims, “Work can not get done from home as good ” ( I totally agree, it just gets done better! ) She tries to convince her boss about it, but he is a sensible man ( much regard ). Therefore she settles down to start working from home, laptop, charger, phone, ear phones, bottle of water, all in place. At this point the ‘stay at home’ mom in me gets into a frenzy mode of guilt. I know how to make her …’feel at home’ , but how can I create a ‘ feel at office ‘ mode at home ! I feel like a fellow conspirator , hand in glove with the boss, grueling conspiracy to keep my daughter away from office. To counter the guilt ( self inflicted ) I start converting my home into office space. The dining table becomes the biggest work station. The lack of a proper office chair at home is brought to my knowledge by the daughter. I glare at my all wood dining chairs,they look anything but comfortable at this moment. I try to add a few cushions, but it doesn’t work. With some more added guilt I prepare another office space , my favorite library room. The over worked daughter must get a choice of two office rooms in the house. I pack up my fancy lamps, the crystal show pieces, the arty nicknacks. Trust me, it hurts a bit, I have grown a strange sense of attachment with these inanimate objects. On a blank slate I write the word “OFFICE ” in bold capitals and hang it on the wall, just to create some drama. I feel sorry for her insanely long hours at work. I try to cheer her up with variety food, scented candles, fairy lights fresh bedsheets, yet I know this is not how office operates.

The daughter had come home for four days, her suitcase had only that many clothes, thus in natural progression my wardrobe doors open up for her. What is mine is all hers, who can deny that fact. These things are easier said than done, players are possessive about their jerseys and not without reason ! For an extremely organized person like me ( please don’t call me OCD, it is not my disorder it is my strength ) seeing the gradual intermingling of the top shelf clothes with the middle shelf, and the middle shelf with the bottom shelf is hurtful to say the least. And at times quite magically the clothes escape the wardrobe and end up on the floor in a bundle. But my bundle of joy unawares of these minor mix ups, continues taking calls, typing away solutions to much larger problems. Seeing her at work I silently smile to myself and think it is but I who educated this young educator.

Week two begins with the father of the daughter entering home. He is on his regular break from work for a week plus time. I am somewhat glad to shift focus from daughter to father. By this time the virus has started spreading more rapidly than one thought it would. The false hope that India had an invisible immunity robe is being harshly ripped off our minds. The father (I often forget that he is my husband and not father) is home on holiday and is not willing to stay indoors all the time. He does not have to work from home, he is here to unwind, relax, meet family ,friends, but most importantly to play golf. My reservations about his golfing activities are hit off like putting a ball into the hole. I prefer keeping quiet to being hit by the club (exaggeration permitted ). The husband keeps at his game every morning as though his next match is with none other than TigerWoods ! The son sitting in California has started worrying about his family. The storm had already hit the world, the seriousness of the situation was for all to see, and we were still waiting for the lightning to strike home before we rushed for shelter.

My neighbors are all locked up in their homes. It is difficult to believe that any housing society can be so quiet and seem so empty. We are all isolated yet united in this isolation. Through my kitchen window I hear the neighbor’s television set airing some cartoon channel. I have not seen their two cute daughters in days, but the noise of everyday life filtering through the closed window is heart warming in these strange times.I wait for evening to see how the lights come up in every window, signaling human presence.Then there was last Sunday when the Prime Minister requested ” jab deep jale ana, jab shyam dhale ana, sanket milan ka bhul na jana, mera pyar na bisrana “, ( not in this lyrical form though) and out we all came, sharp at five, on our balconies equipped with our ” sanket milan ka”…..banging plates and spoons, blowing conch shell, clapping, we felt we were keeping our part of the promise. But thanks Mr. Prime minister, not only did we thank the caregivers many of us also got a bonus glimpse of ” mere saamne wali khirki mein…” !

Meanwhile the changes that have started happening indoors are very evident. The door bell does not ring anymore. Our everyday people, the house help, dhobi, paper man, milk man, have all gone back to their respective homes. Our television set keeps blaring news and views almost all day. The wifi data finishes before evening. Binging is no more a weekend activity….sans my daughter of course, she is a diligent workaholic. We wake up early. More number of tea/ coffee gets made in a day than otherwise. I am a compulsive conversationalist, I need to talk most of the time, in contrast my husband is a man of few words, very few words indeed. His monosyllabic ” hmmm”, ” yes”, ” okay “,” nah” , are not enough. I am craving for real conversation, and he prefers to sit with his one-plus. But I don’t give up easy. I jump with enthusiasm to show him my potted petunias in fresh bloom every morning, I look outside the window at the empty streets and tell him ” dekho dekho”, I play antakshari with myself hoping he will hum a tune absentmindedly. I do endless foolishness through the day. Poor man, I totally understand , how many times can he act enthusiastic at the nothingness of everyday. Still I try to be one up on the one-plus. And then suddenly when the norwester storm and rain starts pouring down we stand at the window together, admiring rain together, seeing the same sky together after many many days.

On social media people are complaining how house work is novel to them, more novel than the virus perhaps. I on the other hand don’t mind the business of busying myself with cooking and cleaning. And to keep my mood set on right frequency I keep reading, writing and decorating. After mopping floor for a week now I have come to accept that there is more hair on the floor than on my head. I also know for sure that I like onions more on my plate than on the chopping board. I don’t have the heart to tell my daughter that Maggie packets at home will soon finish and dal- chawal is the most sumptuous meal that will be served in the coming days. I realize that my husband though a man of few words is a very popular individual on social media. How else do I justify his fifteen what’s app groups and the endless stream of videos and messages on them. But alas, his concentration is disturbed twice a day, when he volunteers to do the dishes. Much to my delight I have discovered this hidden talent of the man, he washes dishes the best in the family. Every time I pick up the broom stick the husband says it is quite unnecessary. He thinks the house is clean, he thinks the house can’t get dirty on its own. He doesn’t know that I have a special X-ray vision glasses with which I can see every spec of dust, every tea stain, all the germs lying on the floor. Secretly I also wish I could see that invisible virus and beat the living life out of it with my broom.

Between all these intense WFH days ..I too work. I work at home. I completely forget my own space and pace of life. I am too content to have my people under the same roof. I miss my son at home. I worry for him. I know he is safe and is working from home and working at home…in another city, another country, far from me. To have the daughter and the father of the daughter at home in this time of isolation fills me with gratitude. These days are not about how well we wash our dishes or how we ration food, it is not about working or getting bored, it is about relearning to respect life as the most precious gift. While we wait let us stay busy being safe.

The Ghats

Ruins from centuries and the glory of Bhole Nath,

A river named Ganga which has travelled its path.

Bangles of glass in rainbow colours making a chime,

As the weavers weave makes silk threads sublime.

Mute spectator like ghats have untold stories to tell,

Where myth and history mingle and sentiments dwell.

The Ghats stand stoic as Ganga splashes away,

Perhaps in angry protest against the deepening clay.

Steps descent one by one to reach the river bed,

With each step ego, self, quests are gently shed.

Threadbare one stands in neck deep waters,

To swim or simply float, it no more matters.

Every step is drenched with the footprints of my kin,

Slippery with the sediments of some ancient sin.

As evening sets, crowds gather around the euphoric shore,

Boats sway in mid river till the river can hold no more.

Worship begins as hundred lamps light up the river,

Chants of Vedic shlokas adding fervor and shiver.

Not far from there another light burns beautifully bright,

Flames from the funeral pyre dancing in shameless delight .

The mourners muffled cries are not to be heard here,

For death by this ghat was perhaps the last desire.

Death parades hand in hand with life, day and night,

The forever burning fire is a reminder of that truth, in open sight.

To attain moksha and freedom from the cycle of life,

The path is arduous and not many are ready for the strive.

The labyrinth of narrow winding lanes leading up to open spaces,

Symbolic of the heart, mind, faith and trust of human races.

The charm of the ghats, the temples, the river flowing deep,

All drenches the soul and forever in our memories Varanasi seeps.

Alone@Lonely, the choices we make.

Her name was Ranjaboti. A girl from our honors class in college. One day she read out to the class a poem she had written, “Alone is not Lonely “. The poem stayed with me forever. It came to me in a room full of family guests and made me lonely, it came to me as I walked back home in a crowded street and made me lonely, it came to me as I lay awake at night and made me lonely, it came to me in the middle of a fun party I hosted and made me lonely. Those lines had an omnipresent power over me, to enter the center stage of my thoughts to see whether I was alone or lonely ! Being lonely is the hearts secret paramour. And in letting the poem seep into my thoughts I banished aloneness !

The structure of social norms were planned ages ago and well intended to bind me and my kinds to a life of set patterns, lest we get lost in our self created wilderness. The question of lonely or alone had just put a question mark in this structure. The image in the mirror disturbing my opium induced contentment , always reminding me of someone very familiar but forgotten. A rebellious mind cannot be easily chained, therefore it had to be lured to a place called ‘ happy place ‘. The need to be ‘happy’ has always been the biggest obsession of them all. The road to happiness asks for compromises, silenced questions, acceptability and obedience to norms. Happiness is a goal to achieve for which we must walk the extra mile. And what happens when we refuse to be happy is often recognized as melancholic depression. Melancholy is like a lazy hum and not as ambitious as happiness. But to chase happiness constantly is like chasing the receding waves of tides, to lose perspective of the distance travelled in pursuit, till the waves come back all over again and then you need to swim back to the safety of the shores. And in choosing happiness over melancholy I banished my aloneness ! 
Ironically enough, my romantic illusion of melancholia keeps me happy. In not wanting to fulfill every need, in deprivation , in denial of engulfing gratification, I find more solace than in complete surrender to the opium of happiness. My poison is less lethal, it does not numb my senses in ecstasy. It keeps me awake, to the sounds within. I chose being alone to lonely. Lonely is what the world may do to you, but alone is your own choice. Alone is a pricey mistress, it has to be wooed into your life through an art of beautiful imagery. And living in the illusion of my soul I banished my aloneness ! 
The aloneness should be so complete that even silence should shatter like glass. To create silence is easy, but to be with yourself in that silence is challenging and closer to bliss. When my mind starts wandering , it is neither the darkest or the brightest hour , I simply let it dwell in the undefined moments of silence . The mind makes noises till it tires out and seeks refuge in a word less state of existence. The symphony of words keeps me lost in my own state of trance. Truest sense of being alone would be when my words seize to exist, when there will be silence even in the hour when I am most awake. And in waiting for that silent hour I banished my aloneness !  
Words… merciless , shameless words, keep crowding in. Words disturb my state of alone. My words mock my vacant mind, my blissful silence. Yet the aching hollowness caused by the lack of words erodes me. Words keep knocking till I open the doors. Words are traitors playing cunning games with my mind, pushing me away from my quiet. Words make me greedy for creation, for baited anticipation of reciprocation. Words make me feel like a monarch when I chase an escaping thought and bind that thought forever. Words are dangerously slippery, they slip out of my mind and claim existence in the universe to be echoed again and again. Words love the sound of reverberation. Descartes played with our minds when he wrote “I think therefore I am “. Why cannot the I exist in a thoughtless state ? Logic leads to questions and answers for every question must have an answer or so we were taught to believe. To construct and deconstruct keeps the mind busy, and occupies it in a semblance of happiness. And in indulging my word empowered happiness I banished my aloneness !
This whole confusion was started by Ranjaboti , had she not written that poem and read it to the class, the battle of Alone or Lonely would not have started at all. Only if I could find her one day, I would put all the blame on her and rest at ease. How do I find her in this maze of alone and lonely. Do we stand alone because we are lonely amongst others , or are we lonely because we are waiting to be alone forever. It is never easy to escape the chaos of the world around. Therefore every time I chose to banish my aloneness I fail. The people, the melancholy, the happiness, the words and the silence , they all claim space within me. And yet in seeking the answers to all the unanswered questions of my mind I banished my aloneness once again. 

Chorus

The “Me too” waves were reaching the shore,
Hush, they said, make noise no more.
The child is sleeping , don’t wake her up,
For she doesn’t know that she can join the hub.

Two frail hands raised, as she cried “Me too”,
I looked around and saw a face of sixty-two.
Oh quiet lady, your story has passed expiry date,
She would not know, her beginning itself was late.

That girl sleeping on the streets, every night,
She did not know “Me too” was a fight.
The village homes, the urban flats,
Who is counting the “Me too” stats.

They sat huddled, under the red light,
Their glittering dresses, telling of their plight.
Their chorus whisper was turning pretty loud,
Were they entitled to join the “Me too” crowd ?

We are sorry, we took time to speak,
We are sorry, our strength was bleak.
In collective voice we gather strength,
We forgot to measure time’s wave length.

We will not justify reasons for the delay,
For it is not a game of sprint or relay.
Look into our eyes and own up guilt,
Let us see your manhood wilt.

Me too is not a voice or a body shamed,
Me too is in our mind of a face unnamed.
Me too is a call, to twist the hand that caused us pain.
Me too is a mission to obliterate our mental stain.
Me too is not a fashionable trend setter,
Me too is not to make the women feel better.

Me too is not the salt runnnig down with tears,

Me too is the salt of grit and march, to overcome hidden fears.

Me too is a story to be voiced and told,

By the most powerful amongst us and the beautifully bold.

I want to go but can not go

I want to go but can not go

The escape route is narrow

There is but just one hurdle

The one they all call sorrow

My shackles are not longings or desire
My wings are trimmed but not on fire.
I want to go but can not go
I am not waiting for any tomorrow.
The sun comes nonetheless
To lighten up the darkness
But the tease of the abysmal fear
Is fathomless and beyond repair.
I want to go but can not go
The captive lives within my self
The guiding torch is not of help
Was it your shadow on the floor
Was it a knock on the door
Dreams and illusions are on repeat
Like the cacophony of a silent drum beat.
I want to go but can not go
Like water that runs with the flow
For the coming was not of my choice
My screams can die within my voice
When the exit doors are closing on me
I know someday I will be eternally free.

The French Leave

The memories of my ‘French leave’ need to be penned down before I accidentally delete them like I recently deleted many precious photographs from my phone. It has been almost a year and some names and sights have already started fading . Moreover,a few of my good meaning friends and my all time guardian, my son, have started teasing me for this French leave I have taken of my blog. So without further procrastination let the recall begin.

The first thing I remember is that my brain had started making some serious noise about Nice. It was in love with the ‘ thought of this place’ as seen in the picture postcards , but the pronunciation was baffling my wits to no end. Before I started confusing my niece as nice or Nice as Niece (which is the correct pronunciation) I did some nice retrospection on my obsession with the word. Nice, Nice, Nice, three little words, spells the same, and then the story begins ! ‘Nice an over used adjective, and a lazy adjective’ ( quoting an Irish nun from a prehistoric year and age of my school days, somehow the quote has stayed on). ‘Nice’ is also my all time favorite biscuit, those thin crispy rectangles with sugar sprinkled on top and a steaming cup of coffee , simply irresistible but not a subject to write about . And then this invitation from a place called Nice. A city by the Mediterranean in the south of France with its pebbled beaches kept calling out to me, a home-bird living by the Arabian Sea. When a place calls out to you so passionately both in your dreams and in your waking hours I indeed take it as a sign and as an ‘invitation’ from the place itself !

Planning for a family holiday takes days of research about the place and things to see and do. The family’s holiday dates need to be coordinated, the best deal in flight tickets and hotel reservations to be zeroed in, and only then the final itinerary of a travel plan takes shape. In my family we are four people staying in different cities most of the time, therefore any holiday planning involves a number of Skype calls, conference calls, arguments, angry words, tears, smiles, giving up on the whole plan, and making it all over again. The whole drama has to be enacted scene by scene before we reach a conclusive agreement of sorts. This time around,even after all the meticulous planning, my husband had to back out from the trip due to unavailability of leave. For getting a French Leave is not in his job description. Chalk and Cheese ( that is him and me) had never been separated on a foreign holiday before, but the children had already got their leaves sanctioned thus Cheese packed her bags and smiled in anticipation for a week in the French Riviera, with or without Chalk.

December 23. Day 1.
The pilot husband drove his son and wife to the airport, walked with us up to the security check in gate and waved a cheerful bye and turned around to go back home. No emotions wasted in goodbyes on his side but with my cheese like temperament my heart melted to say this goodbye. In an uneventful flight from Mumbai to Frankfurt my son and I caught up on some sleep time. Our plane landed at Frankfurt airport at 8.30am on 23 rd December. Our connecting flight to Nice had taken off from Frankfurt airport at 8.25am without a mother-son duo. My initial reaction was of helpless panic and exclaims. But to my absolute surprise my son ( still very young ) looked pretty calm and in control of the situation. After some anxious moments ( only on my mind) we decided to approach those good-looking , smartly dressed boys and girls behind the counters to give us what we needed next ; some information, a fresh boarding pass for another flight and food coupons to calm our frayed nerves ! The next connecting flight was after twelve hours by the clock. “The Terminal ” experience, (though not quite in the Tom Hanks way) taught us a lot about airports. I walked around Frankfurt airport and observed life, of how chaos and efficiency run hand in hand , of how passengers from everywhere wear the same anxious or bored expressions, of how waiting is a fun game only for the children in their play zones, of how the luxurious stores tempts people to become a shopaholic, in short the story teller in me weaved its own fancy tales as we waited. We waited for twelve hours and then flew for only an hour and half to reach Nice.

Meanwhile my daughter, who had flown in from New York to Nice, had done her bit of sightseeing over the day and was waiting at the airport to welcome us to France. Our delay had not only taken away a whole day from our itinerary but had also made us miss our dinner reservations at the Negresco. Even though I know little about international cuisine, but missing a dinner date has never been my style. Planning is imperative in every sphere of life, and to keep the date the flight always has to be on time !

December 24. Day 2.

Nice

I opened my eyes to a gorgeous morning by the Mediterranean. The magic of the French Riviera experience was about to begin and overwhelm all my senses. From every turn of the road it seemed as though the picture postcard of my dreams had come to life, the skies were so blue and the ocean sparkling in its reflecting glory, and the white pebbled beaches , all so perfect and pristine. Nice was beautifully dressed up for Christmas. In the center of the old city there was a big Christmas market , this was like our desi mela but with a different flavor. I loved seeing the play of colors from the skies to the beautiful flowers. Food stalls were selling food which I had neither seen or tasted before, there were other shops selling many attractive items of which we bought and some things and the rest we just admired. Christmas trees adorned gardens and parks, every homewindows and doors were decorated with mistletoes. Small green hills ending in a plateau with steps leading up to them dotted the city’s topography. Sea gulls perched on street lamps, winding roads to take you to no particular destination and then the street side cafes to sit and rest your tired feet, all this and more made me fall in love with Nice forever. I made a mental note to come back to this magic once more with my pilot.

The children had planned to eat lunch by the sea. Looking into the ocean just a few feet away, sipping wine, biting into the best served sea food and the pebbled beach beneath our feet, was an experience that would stay on for years. There were no chartered buses to take us to places, no tourist guide to guide us, we chose to walk the streets of the city, take turns, enter lanes, stop by coffee shops, and make our own map of Nice. We sat on a hill-top and saw the stars filling up the night sky as evening set in Nice. My children planned to catch the ” Star Wars” movie at a local theater, and I chose to linger a little longer on the streets of Nice, waiting for the night, waiting to see the city twinkle with both the stars in the skies and the ones down below. The stars perhaps are never at war, it is for us to change perspective and to see them in a different light at every turn of destiny.

December 25. Day 3.

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Antibes, was our next planned destination . It is an old-fashioned small town of the Riviera, situated between Nice and Monaco. From Nice station we booked train tickets with validity for the entire day. It was Christmas Day, the sun was out and shining when we reached Antibes. As we walked out of the rail station, into the streets of Antibes what seemed very unusual was the quiet all around. It seemed as though some dream fairy had put the whole town to sleep with her magic wand. There were very few people on the streets, the shop windows were down, the doors of houses were shut, the parks had fairy lights and Christmas trees, but not a soul around. The emptiness added to the charm of this old medieval port city. It seemed we had entered a story book of beautiful places and could walk and run and play every where with no one to see us. We went to see the famous Picasso museum but Mr. Picasso’s doors were closed as well, but I was happy just to see his home from outside . This beautiful sea-side town had inspired the artist to make so many priceless paintings. And today as though by some magic we were the only people in this sleeping town to absorb all the beauty with our thirsty eyes . Not a tourist or any local people were in sight as we walked through the ports, we saw many a hundred yachts parked and there were no gates to keep people away. With child like glee we planned about owning some of the best ones and sailing deep into the sea. The lanes of Antibes were completely ours for that one winter morning, we walked, we paused, we saw, we admired, and we loved every bit of it. We loved this medieval small town so much in such a short time, that it made us sad to say goodbye to it so soon. We could not wait for the town to wake up for we had to be on our way to Cannes.

Cannes ,the style destination of the filmy divas – was just a five minutes train ride away from Antibes. In Cannes we found what we missed in Antibes, people ! Local people and tourists were all around on the streets of Cannes. Like every other tourist we too indulged ourselves by standing on the red carpet and posing for photos. We climbed a hill-top to find some quiet and to take in the view of the whole city from a bird’s eye view. The sun was setting somewhere far and a train was waiting for us to take us back to Nice for another night in the dream city. I knew that the beauty of closed doors and empty alleys of a sleeping sea side town would stay with me much more than the red carpet glitterati from the city of international film festivals. We all get to choose in life what makes us rich and how we value that wealth ; our memories are made up of our best loved moments no matter how short-lived they had been.

December 26. Day 4.Monaco.PNG

Monaco is the second smallest country in the world, and Monte Carlo is its capital, our fourth day itinerary was to spend a day in Monte Carlo. The weather meanwhile had changed to dark and gloomy. The bright sun of the previous day had hidden behind dark threatening clouds. Monte Carlo ‘is a small and rich city’, that was my first impression of the city. The people, their style, the stores, the palace, every step in that little place spelt ‘plenty’. On such moments the poverty of my own country stands out in stark contrast, but we are a vast country, and in every sphere of life, size does matter ! We saw the casino where James Bond had gambled with swag, but we neither had time, money or the swag for indulgence. Though there was a palace in Monte Carlo, the doors were not open to the tourists. The thundering clouds of the morning had turned into a thunderstorm, and to stay dry from the rains we entered the world beneath the waters, that is the famous Oceanography museum of Monte Carlo. An hour or more blissfully passed with the underwater friends keeping us dry. Monaco’s biggest Cathedral is the church of the Grimaldi dynasty. All cathedrals over the world have a distinguishing character, some in its art form, some in its architectural magnificence. I walked through the cathedral gazing at the marvel of art and architecture , a humbling silence envelopes the atmosphere all around. This humbling silence I suppose is common for all cathedrals, the presence of that power where we must bow at least once in a life time.

We often get blinded in life either by dazzle or by absolute darkness. But when the mist clears we get to see the drift of things. As though symbolically after a whole day of clouds and rain the sky cleared up when we stepped out of the Grimaldi Cathedral and sighted the most spectacular double rainbow. A full rainbow had encompassed the sky and the shadow of the rainbow in the oceans below made it look like a full circle. Some views leave you spell-bound for days and you know that you are willing to come back to this very same place again to see this sheer magic once more. It is always worth the wait for the silver lining from behind the cloud to appear and fill us with light, or else we may never know what colors awaits us in that rainbow of life !

December 27. Day 5.WhatsApp Image 2018-09-15 at 19.25.55

On day five it was our time to say bye to Nice and take a train ride to Avignon. We changed trains once at Marseille and reached Avignon by noon.Tugging and heaving with two heavy suitcases and two smaller bags ( mostly carried by the children) we reached a city which is part of the famous Provence region of France. During the period from 1309 to 1376 seven successive popes had resided in Avignon ,all under the influence of the French Crown. To know about the history of a place and to see the place with your present day sensibilities are two different things. I had seen Vatican before, and now standing in Avignon I thought how the popes too had to abandon their place of residence due to politics of the rulers, or it would not be incorrect to say that the popes too were part of the politics. Politics ,power and religion have surely been the strangest bed fellows for centuries. We had chosen a hotel in the old city of Avignon, with the palace of the popes, the church all within walking distance. I could almost imagine history walking on those cobbled stoned roads on which men are treading even today. Close to our hotel was a beautiful broken bridge which was either left unfinished, or broken by the raging waters of the river, remained a mystery to us. -Standing on that bridge that evening we saw another sun set, the moon rising slowly and an evening melting into night. I wondered of the popes who would have seen this beauteous sun set from this very town, miles away from home ( Vatican), just like me. Centuries stand between history and us, but the past is kept alive through the centuries by our desire to know and understand the pages of history !

December 28. Day 6.20171229_123459.jpg

The next day in Avignon was spent discovering the city of lavender ( not in season though). Like a huge pandora ‘s box the city shops had opened their doors to the tourists. And we felt as though we were playing around in a maze. We walked through lanes and saw shops selling chocolates, candy, candles, soaps, wooden toys, postcards, books, linen, dainty aprons and so much more. The lingering theme in all the products was that of lavender , either in fragrance or in embroidery or colors or pictures. Wonderful French wine and bread kept our spirits going all through the day. There was much more to be seen of the Provence panorama, but we did not have the luxury of time. With our senses soaked in lavender we bid goodbye to Avignon. When the right time comes we all must exit, walking on bridges not knowing where the road will take us, yet the journey continues !

December 29. Day 7.

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The year was coming to an end and so was our week long vacation by the French Riviera. The weather was challenging our tropical bones every day. Cold winds, occasional drizzles and the sun often hiding behind dark clouds made us shiver each time we had to step foot out doors. But the journey had to be completed and we wouldn’t let the chilling weather dampen our spirits. My children enthused their warmth and energy into the cold days and some of their energy rubbed on to me as well.

On day seven we traveled to Marseille. The train to Marseille traversed through some very scenic countrysides. Keeping the weather and time constraints in mind we had booked tickets for the hop-on and hop-off city tour buses for day sight seeing at Marseille. It was a double decker bus and the children went up the stairs to get the best view possible, whereas I settled in the lower deck with my scarf around my neck and trying to keep myself warm. The view of the city from the Notredame church was like looking down at all things beautiful all at once. On one side was the view of the vast ocean with big and small boats sailing in the blue waters, on the other side was the city looking perfect with the old and new world charm interwoven in complete harmony. At that height the wind was blowing harshly trying to throw us off balance but we stood transfixed taking in the beauty all around. Marseille, a very popular tourist destination, was one of the last places we saw before winding up our journey from the French Reviera . In our bags we had collected gifts from Provence for our friends back home. And in our hearts we had collected memories to keep reminding us of a holiday so special. The wind, the chill, the rains, none could break our spirit, for we were resilient travelers, determined to complete the journey we had begun.

December 30. Day 8.

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From the French country the mother-daughter duo flew together to New York. And the son returned back home to India , to his father, just in time to bring in the new year together. I entered a snow covered New York City, my daughter’s home away from home, and mine too for the days to come. The next day was 31st December, the time to change the calendar once more. It is not the dates, or geographical boundaries that make any day special, it is that little light of hope within us that awaits for new beginnings at every turn .Holidays are like living a life of fairytale, almost on borrowed time and borrowed places. Fortunate are those who can travel, and blessed are those who can unravel the travel, making the journey a way of life !

What Does A Calendar Say.

The lone calendar on the wall fluttered with the fan’s breeze with February (page) flying and March (page) peeping from beneath. I looked at the calendar, almost willing it to stop that rhythmic, irritating flutter. The search for a clip to hold the pages together seemed too much task, and to let the mind fly away without any clipping, an all time favorite indulgence! I kept staring at the fluttering pages of the calendar and could see the months flying by year after year, till on every 31st December a new calendar replaced the old. Wall Calendars are no more a common feature to see. Perhaps it will only be a matter of time for this time keeper of days and dates to vanish completely from our walls.The walls crumble around me taking with its crumbling plaster pages from our lives never to be returned again. From marking days on the cave walls to hand held phones managing our dates, time and lives, we have indeed come a long long way. The next-generation don’t much care for the calendar on the wall or the table. But some of us have memories and stories attached to wall calendars, and time will not fade them completely.

What does a calendar say about us ? A lot indeed, for it hangs on our walls for three hundred and sixty five days. It has seen us talk, sleep, wake, laugh, quarrel, cry. It has seen us in our most intimate moments, it has been the testimony of our days and weeks, and at times lived on beyond the year end . Calendars with photos of holiday destinations, of religious symbols, of glamour girls, of film stars, postal services, have all been part of our walls once upon a time.

The lone calendar on my wall ( behind the bedroom door) of 2017 has this beautiful picture of Lord Ganesha. Does this speak about my love and devotion to Ganpati Bappa ? Both yes and no, it could as well be a picture of Jesus or Buddha. The calendar came to my house not for it’s religious significance . This calendar, on further observation can divulge many other personal facts about me. Number one being my desperate need to have a one page calendar at home. I am that ancient person who still believe in marking dates on the calendar, making plans seeing those dates, and referring to a calendar for many small and big events. The second thing this calendar reveals is that it is from a medical store in Kolkata. Therefore I must have bought medicines from there at some point to have been gifted a calendar. The second calendar in picture shows a helicopter. It is an absolute favorite of mine. To me it represents my husband’s profession and the pride I take for his military services. This calendar is to be earned, not bought, adding a timeless value to it. And yes, this calendar reminds me of many memories of life in the army. The military core, the banks, post offices, railways, airlines,some education institutions, still come out with yearly calendars for their employees. All the calendars have not yet gone missing with digitization.

I have this vivid memory of my grand parents bedroom wall where hanged an one page wall calendar with the photo of Ramkrishna Paramhansa. It stayed there for years, it was never removed for any new calendar ever. The half shut eyes of Ramkrishna with a gentle smile on his lips (was the smile only in my imagination, I forget), was the first sight to greet us on entering their room. I think this calendar had moved on from being a calendar to an image of the God man my grandparents worshiped. It spoke about their faith, their need to look at this image every day of their lives. I have seen similar Ramkrishna photo calendars in many Bengali homes later on in life and came to realize that it is a quintessentially Bengali thing to have at home. A few volumes of Tagore’s work, a Ramkrishna calendar, Horlicks bottle, Jabakusum hair oil all mingled together to create an identity of a Bengali home. I am sure a Tirupati photo, a Christ photo, a photo of the Haji Ali darga , all have been the face of calendars at some point or the other, giving an individualistic identity to every home where they marked time.

In those days new calendars were a big thing to look forward to every new year. There was a thing called the ‘ prestige calendar ‘. The obvious translation of the word ‘prestige’ made the possession of such calendars a matter of pride amongst house holds. Such calendars would have glossy papers with beautiful photos of sceneries, children, men and women, flowers, homes. My father was a medical practitioner and we would get many such calendars as gifts, from various pharmaceutical companies. These calendars were always displayed on the sitting room wall, serving the purpose of wall decor, conversation starter and sometimes date keeper. Then came the one page utility calendars, meant for the living area or bedroom walls strictly. The one page calendars had all the holidays, religious festivals, exam dates, days of the moon cycle ,all very clearly marked. On this calendar we used to mark our holiday plans, exam dates, payment dates, and every other date worth remembering.

Calendars may or may not linger on our walls for very long, but it surely will in the memories of my generation. And if tomorrow someone by chance misses a calendar then probably one can blame the Kingfisher for having flown away with the calendar and those drop dead gorgeous calendar girls and locales. Lastly,what does the calendar say after all ? That nothing lasts forever, so let’s keep turning the pages and move on.