Forwarded.

The man of the house keeps sitting for hours with his mobile phone in hand and I see him smiling ,frowning or hear a hearty laughter now and then. There is a world of ‘forwards’ on his phone, which he receives from his multiple  w.app groups, and this ‘forwarded’ world keeps him absorbed for hours. The videos he plays can get quite annoying, for they start blaring all of a sudden. They can range from jokes to songs to ‘prabachans’ or even a diet plan, never lacking  in mix- matching variety! The man refuses to use his ear phones. Initially I was sympathetic to his dislike for ear phones. After all, as a pilot he has been wearing the head-set for the longest hours of every day of his flying  career, and now if he wants a break from putting noise pollution into his ear drums I am in complete compliance. But when the bedroom starts echoing various decibels of noise pollution at any time of the day, I do take offense.

I ponder, I think, I introspect, till I let guilt take over my  reasoning.The fault must be mine, I blame myself, infact I convince myself that my communication skills are largely at question. This gadget companion of my man ( the mobile phone )  could do what I have failed to succeed in in so many years of our life together. The phone can evoke various ’emotions’ in my man which I can not, no matter how hard I try. No one can blame me for not talking enough, I talk endlessly,  I don’t  expect reactions, I just do my bit…chatter chatter. He stays calm and quiet. All these years I was giving him the benefit of the doubt, I had started to accept that his emotional quotient was less than mine. I believed that the man was not capable of expressing or perhaps even feeling emotions. And here was this same man displaying more emotions than there are emoticons for them,  and his  expressions keep changing by the minute, depending on the ‘forwards’ he receives.  For me it is like discovering a  new man behind my solemn faced ‘fauji’ .For so many years I was content looking at a straight face ( thinking it to be equanimity) or a knotted brow (thinking it to be contemplation). But alas, my man has a completely hidden  side of which I knew nothing.  A world of whatsapp forwards!

Finally I gather enough  curiosity and ask him to share with me this private world of his ( which of course cannot  be too private for most of the forwards read ‘forwarded many times’) .To my surprise he happily introduces me to his  sanctum of entertainment.  Soon, a bit too soon, my mind gets the answers to my man’s muse. I think I would rather choose my man as my muse to w.app forwards ! He angers me, he frustrates me, but he also makes me smile and laugh like no one else can. Therefore let him continue filling up his spare hours and his mobile phone’s storage with whatsapp forwards while I fill my hours with my words, Netflix, and Prime. Let us each have our own guilty harmless pleasures in peace.

A last note, the man of the  house has read this blog before I thought of posting it. And guess what..I got my first reaction/ emotion…”it is funny ” said the man. Hurray,  I have made him smile at last. Long live the pen! Tring,  tring, tring, that’s  my w.app calling , bye.

April Fools’ Day

Another fools day came  and went by leaving me a little more foolish than yesterday. I am a declared fool. I get fooled very easily. The day of playing prank on one another did not ever go empty for me. Some tried and some succeeded.  I am happy that some people  still remember the April fools day as it used to be years back.

I asked my friend Google to make me more knowledgeable  about the history of the day, how , why and when were fools of the world awarded a special day. Ignorance is no more a bliss. No one needs to stay blissfully ignorant anymore. If you have a question on your mind  then there is always  an answer for it. But before Google, answers did not come easy. Thus I grew up building my very own  fool’s paradise where the realm of reality and imagination often blurred my vision. 

There’s is no special  pride in being a fool.  But when for a whole day you can laugh at simple foolish pranks, it gives a sense of comic relief.

Our childhood  was very different,  we lived and grew in a world where  everyday life had simple pleasures and awe filled moments.

April first always brought  some excitement, when everyone  could get away playing  a prank, one had to be watchful all day lest you get fooled ! I remember on April Fools’ day I would run down  the stairs to ring the  door bell and come up running and panting to tell Ma ” ke esheche dekho ( see who has come )”. Ma would go all the way to the door, open it and find no one on the other side, she would look up at me standing at top of the staircase clapping and calling Ma..April Fool. Ma would climb back the stairs smiling, without ever making me feel the fool, perhaps she knew all along !

Mr. Pinocchio,  people  made the biggest fool of you and your image. They made you believe that your nose kept growing  an extra inch every time you lied. In my fool’s paradise lying was a naughty thing to do. Thus I tried to be as truthful as I could.This led me into troubles more often than I liked. Yet my  tiny nose kept growing inspite of all the truth abiding days of my childhood. The Pinocchio syndrome has not affected  the world at all, and thank God  for it , or else we would  be having a world full Pinocchios. At long last the fool in me stopped blaming my long nose and started appreciating it for what it is…just a nose. Whether lying is white or black, vice or virtue, it doesn’t help in growing a long nose.

Shakespeare’s court jesters were no one’s fool. They said the most hard hitting truths of life garbed in wit and humour.  The one who makes us laugh easy is neither a fool nor ignorant. A fool’s humour comes laced with the irony of life and gives us a looking glass which adds that extra shade of colour. In a world burdened with divisions, chaos, hunger ,power politics, lies and deceit, let there be one day for the fools too.  A day where there will be a little mindless laughter a day to get fooled with another fool with no malice in heart.

Filter Coffee.

A steaming cup of filter coffee in a steel glass with a steel bowl to hold the glass, this was the ultimate of coffee love for Trisha. Her impatient fingers could not wait, she touched the hot glass with her right hand and an instinctive “ouch” came out, louder than she thought. The man sitting on the table opposite to hers looked up. She gave a self conscious half smile, and before she knew it he walked upto her table holding a glass of iced water, “dip your fingers in this glass, you will get instant relief” he said. Trisha obeyed him like a small child and then started laughing loudly at the whole situation, he joined in too with an open smile. Without invitation he pulled out the vacant chair on her table and sat down. Their Hi Hellos slowly turned into some interesting conversation. Like the mellowing evening they eased in each other’s company. Dusk was settling its ink blue sheets on the ocean’s waves. Trisha’s hot filter coffee and his iced drink knew that this hot and cold acquaintance was turning into a warm friendship. Filter coffee sure knows how to break the ice and start an unfiltered conversation.

Closed Doors.

The doors were closed. All the doors in this little sleepy town in France were closed the day I went knocking. Perhaps they had all retired after a night filled with revelry. Perhaps they had all gone to the church together. The list of ‘perhaps’ could be endless. Yet through those closed doors I saw the people within, in my imagination. I saw them huddled around the parlour. I saw them busy in the kitchen preparing a casserole. I saw the ailing grandmother in her bed waiting for someone to enter her room. I saw the young lovers lying in bed sleeping peacefully in each other’s arm. I saw the father in his sixtees wearing a perpetual frown as he read the news paper. I saw the baby in her cot smiling at absolutely nothing. I saw the mother immersed in a book next to the cradle. These closed doors told me a hundred stories about the people living behind them in this little sleepy town. Every closed door is an assurance of life within waiting for a knock.

As I walked away from those closed doors I thought of you. Did you come knocking on my door or was it someone else. Did you wait for me on the other side or did you just walk away. Did you come to wake me up or for forever to stay. My questions will keep knocking on my door for the waiting is always endless.

The Stethoscope Of Heartbeats.

I am a doctor’s daughter. When your father is a doctor, you grow up amidst stories of patients, patient behavior,  diseases , medical representatives and loads of medical  journals all over the house. I don’t recall ever wishing my father on doctor’s day , father’s day, or even on his birthday.  My father fell ill, very seriously ill twenty five years ago, and the medical  profession he had lived for couldn’t give him a second  chance. So I miss him ever since, I miss him everyday and on these special days I want him to know that  “Baba, you were special “. I want to write about a few of the stories I have grown up hearing . They are the sweet and sour stories of a doctor who chose to practice medicine in a small town instead of shifting to the big city.

Warisaliganj was the name of the place where my parents lived,  the place where I grew up till I had to be sent away to Kolkata for better education. Kolkata made me the person I am today but my fondest memories still go back to that small place called Warisaliganj. But this story is about Baba and his patients.

Since the town was very small Baba had opened  a pathological laboratory within the premises of his chamber. Little did he know that one of his naive patient would one day land up with a ‘mithai ka handi’ filled with his morning job’s  sample and place it on the doctor’s table with a victorious smile. Baba had just about started scolding the person for getting him rasgulla when he was stopped short and was told about the contents within the handi, it was a sample for the path-lab! Needless  to say what happened after that ,but my poor Baba lost his appetite for handi full of rasgulla forever.

In the seventies, the small towns and villages of Bihar were often attacked by dacoits in true Gabbar Singh style. The ‘gaon walo ‘ would run indoors, shut all doors and windows and wait for the bombarding  to stop , which was an indication that the  dacoits had left. No one ever dared open a door or come out to help anyone. But a doctor’s door is open at all times without any discrimination towards the patients. One such night, when the dacoits were raiding our town , amidst  bombardment someone rang our bell loud and sharp and insistently. Baba opened the door, only to find two armed dacoits in black clothing with their faces masked standing there. They had not come to rob us, we were not wealthy enough to be robbed ! They had come to take Baba to their adda/ thikana ( whatever you may call it ) to treat a fellow dacoit who had suffered  bullet injuries. Yes, my Baba had to go that night with the dacoits. They blind folded him before starting their jeep. I still remember the extreme agony and tension Ma went through that night, though quite young I too stayed up the night with Ma waiting for Baba to come back home. Baba returned home in the early hours of the morning .Though such incidents were never again repeated in our life but Baba loved to recall this hair raising experience in light jest and call himself “Daku ka Doctor.”

If poverty is a curse, being poor and sick is a bigger curse. I understand now the immense sense of purpose Baba must have had to spend his life amidst the poor, to give them access to healthcare they otherwise might not have received. He spent many nights in small huts to be next to his ailing patients. His resources as a doctor were not many in that small town. Many patients had to be referred to the bigger hospitals in the adjoining district towns, but Baba stayed on with grit and determination. Another extreme story of poverty had left its mark on my childhood  memory. During a house visit to a seriously ill patient Baba noticed the man of the house leaving  home stealthily with ‘pital ‘ utensils. On being asked he admitted of not having any money, he planned to sell his utensils to pay for the medicines. Baba paid the medicine bills for many such patients. He had set up an arrangement with the medicine shop. He would write the word “free patient” on top of the prescription,  this was a code for  the shopkeeper to understand that the bills would be paid by the doctor himself and not the patient party. His diagnostic expertise and selfless dedication made him the most famous doctor amongst many districts of Bihar. People thronged from far and wide for their faith in his medicine.  What Baba earned in cash fell short to what he earned in kind. He earned trust, he earned goodwill, he earned the blessings of people who didn’t have much to give.

These stories were not meant for the world to know,  these  stories were not meant to sing his praise. These stories are of my Baba, who just lived a simple life being truthful to the oath he had taken once as a medicine man. Ending my story here with a last funny note. When my Baba and Ma left Warisaliganj and came back home to Kolkata to start their retired life, his chamber did not shut down. Baba’s very accomplished  compounder continued  practicing ( as a quack doctor ) in the same chamber with “Dr. Chakladar” written on the board. Many admonishing letters were sent his way, whether to any avail or not, we do not know.

Thank you Doctors, health care providers, and scientists.  Thank you for holding our hands all through the pandemic raging days. A big salute to our real life super-men and super-women.

নির্বাসন

তুমি  নির্বাসনে গেছো, এ তোমার স্বেচ্ছা নির্বাসন।
কথার কোলাহল থেকে নির্বাসন, নিরন্তর গতি থেকে নির্বাসন
নীরোগ হওয়ার নির্বাসন, প্রিয় জন কে ভাল রাখার নির্বাসন
তুমি  নির্বাসনে গেছো, এ তোমার স্বেচ্ছা নির্বাসন।

তোমার অন্তরে লুকিয়ে থাকা গোপন যত ব্যাথা,
তাদের সাথে হবে আজ নতুন কিছু কথা। 
জরা জীর্ণের উর্ধে উঠে জ্বলবে যেদিন আলো
নতুন সূর্যের ছটায় হারিয়ে যাবে আঁধার রাতের কালো।

তোমার ঘরের বাইরে ঘুরে বেড়ায় তোমার ছোট মেয়ে
বন্ধ দরজার পিছনে তোমার উপস্থিতি খোঁজে চেয়ে চেয়ে
তোমার ঘরের জানলা দিয়ে দেখা যায় যে মাধবী লতা
হওয়ার টানে বয়ে আনে রোজ মধুর ফুলের মাদকতা
আজ সেই  সুবাসে তোমার প্রাণে জাগে না কোনো আশ
গন্ধে তোমার ঘর ভরে যায়, চোখের জলে ঝাপসা চারিপাশ।

রাত  জাগা এক পাখির ডাকে তুমি কবিতা লেখো
একা ঘরের বিছানায় তুমি স্বপ্ন ভোরের ছবি আঁকো
তুমি বেরিয়ে পরার স্বপ্ন দেখো, লক্ষ জনের ভিড়ের মাঝে
তুমি  জড়িয়ে ধরার স্বপ্ন দেখো, সকাল বিকেল নতুন সাজে
পাহাড় শেষের উপত্যকায়, নদী যেখানে দৌড়ে বেড়ায়
তুমি রামধেনূ রঙ মাখিয়ে গায়ে, ছুটছ যেন রণপা পায়ে।

তুমি  নির্বাসনে গেছো, এ তোমার স্বেচ্ছা নির্বাসন
রণক্ষেত্রে যুদ্ধ করে ,আর দুটো দিন থাকবে ঘরে,
যেদিন তুমি দরজা খুলে ডাকবে তাকে কোলের কাছে
ছুটে এসে তোমার মেয়ে লুকিয়ে পড়বে বুকের মাঝে।

তুমি  নির্বাসনে গেছো, এ তোমার স্বেচ্ছা নির্বাসন
তুমি বুক ভরে নিশ্বাস নেবে, এ খোলা of বাতাস তোমার 
তুমি  মানুষের পাশে গিয়ে  দাঁড়াবে, এ পৃথিবী সবার
তুমি  নির্বাসন থেকে ফিরেছো, সে ছিল তোমার স্বেচ্ছা নির্বাসন ।

Hope of dusk

The nights were sombre, days were grim,
Dawn was clothed like sleep’s old pimp.
The thoughts were crowded, smiles were hidden,
Laughter was scarce, perhaps forbidden.

I walked a mile to meet the dusk.

The children had forgotten to run and play,
Parents had locked them in homes to stay.
The neighbors were fearful, doors were shut,
The houses looked barren like some abandoned hut.

I walked  a mile to meet the dusk.

The friends had left, families had forgotten,
Humanity was alone waiting to be rewritten.
The sick were in pain, breathing was not easy,
Yet the air flowed freely, light and breezy.

I walked a mile to meet the dusk.

Dusk was filled with birds chirping sound,
A joyous melody of hearts homeward bound.
Dusk cradled in its arms the sun and moon,

Dusk showered the earth with a celestal boon.

I walked a mile to meet the dusk.

Dusk was waiting for me at the bend of lane,
Holding in one hand, a sun set framed.
Dusk showed me in that beautiful light,
A hope for tomorrow, burning ever so bright.

I had walked a mile to meet the dusk.

Fading…

I am fading, like the silk threads of a fraying old shawl,
I am fading, like the peeling paint on your backyard wall,
I am fading, like the fragile pages of an unopened book,
I am fading, like the folded maps of roads I never took.

I am fading, like the sounds of those long unheard voices,
I am fading, like the failures of my ruthless youthful choices,
I am fading, like the lone calendar hanging way past its date,
I am fading, like the wilting yellow grass under a trees shade.

I am fading, like my own shadow losing its way in the dark,
I am fading, like the painting, unframed and watermarked,
I am fading, like the crumbling sepia photos in an old album,
I am fading, like a childhood memory lost in lifes humdrum.

I am fading, like the hidden heart-beat of a first secret love,
I am fading, like the letters forgotten in the black trunk above,
I am fading, like the autumn leaf withering in winter’s slumber,
I am fading, like my reflection in a tarnished mirror, with  nothing left to forget or remember.

Ganga Jal.

Ganga Jal.

Where is the Ganga jal ? Ganga jal is in a small bottle in my puja room, in many bottles in the ‘temple shops’ ( the ones where we deposit our shoes and buy our prasadam before entering the temples). And yes, it is also in the river Ganga ,which flows from the great Himalayas to the gangetic plains . Ganga Jal, the water which purifies the body and mind of the believer, the water without which many rituals stand incomplete, the water which is perhaps the most significant spiritual thirst quencher, the holy water which can cleanse all unholy, the call out for such water …Where is the Ganga jal, is but obvious. And when someone had to go and get it, I took it upon myself to reach Ganga.

Thus the pious and yet not so pious husband and wife duo, that’s us, chose Rishikesh as an interlude vacation destination. To bring in thirty one years of togetherness we needed a getaway. Some eyebrows were raised in curiosity at our choice of place. I joked about doing a survey on the ashrams in the lap of Himalayas, booking a birth in advance for senior years. I have to mention here that The husband (who definitely feels much younger than I in mind and body ) wanted to go to Goa , but I wanted to get the jal. The battle between the sea and the river begun, but the pull of Ganga won over the sea and we packed out bags for a three nights two mornings holy day !

Ganga is flowing day and night for centuries to reach us, but the journey for us to meet Ganga was more simple. More so because we did not travel all the way up the mountains, to reach Gomukh, the place of Gangas origin, where it melts from glaciers to become a free flowing river. We chose to meet Ganga at Rishikesh. It took us a flight to Dehradun and from there a taxi ride for over an hour to reach the banks of Ganga. Away from the hustle bustle of Rishikesh town our home for two days was nestled in a beautiful place hidden between trees and hills. The soft breeze blowing the green curtains of leaves gave glimpses of Ganga just a few feet away. Where is the Ganga jal, the question resonated. There it was in all its pristine glory, flowing, gurgling, rushing ahead , totally unstoppable. I stood dumbfounded gazing at the river below and thought with what ignorance had I come to take Ganga jal home. The Ganga seemed to be roaring in laughter at my wish to fill it in our bottles and expect to contain it forever, I had many more lessons yet to learn in life. Ganga had to teach me some of them.

The hills stood in guard , allowing the river to run its course , youthful and energetic with joyous energy. The river returns the favor by making the hills lush with evergreens. When I am so close to nature something beautiful happens within me. As though someone presses the mute button and silences all my mundane , everyday chatter. Instead I start a conversation with the nature around me. I talk to the trees , the fruits, the flowers. The butterflies buzzing around , the birds perched on trees , they all seem to read my thoughts. But the glorious Ganga had it’s own message to convey to me. In those three days I sat by the ever flowing Ganga for hours and asked it so many questions. And then I cried unexplained tears of neither joy nor pain. I filled my cupped palms with Ganga jal and tried to wash away my tears. My tears mingled with the endless stream becoming one with something infinite. In letting go of my tears , in humbling my thoughts of self, in understanding the vastness of the life, I released my self to a new path of spiritual awakening.

My deep silence in these few days of tranquility suited my dear husband very much. He reveled in this respite from my constant chatter. He busied himself, with long walks, relaxing spa, listening to music and making friends with the local people. I find this befriending strangers a very endearing quality in him. He told me about the waiter who served us dinner , that the man lives in a village on the other side of the river. There are many rickety hanging bridges which connects the two banks of Ganga and also facilitate day to day life of the villagers. I learnt that the manager of our property had been living here for the last ten years and he loves his job. Then there was Pandeji, selling cardamoms and saunf on a thela , actually got his supply from his home town in Gaziabad. In this quest of finding locals, the husband befriended a tourist guide , who promised to walk us through Rishikesh. But his enthusiasm soon turned to silent anger when he discovered that we did not intend visiting temples and buying rudraksh and precious gems from the shop he recommended . The shopkeepers promised to bring changes in our life if we wore their stones. I let them know with extreme politeness that in this trip we were depending a lot on river Ganga to bring about all the changes in our life that needed to be changed.

I did not meet or see any Rishi in Rishikesh, but there were many men in orange robes, matted hair and designed tilaks on their forehead walking on the roads .They were ready to be photographed albeit we put some money in their jhola. I would not question their choices in life but surely my curiosity was awakened. The cows, the two wheelers, the orange robed sadhus, and locals and tourists crowded the narrow lanes of Rishikesh. As per mythology, Lakshman ( the brother of Lord Rama of Ramayana) had crossed the river with two jute ropes (information courtesy, google),and later when the bridge was built it was named after the mythological character and is till date famous as the Lakshman jhula. About two kilometers ahead of Lakshman jhula another identical bridge was constructed, known as The Ram jhula. These hanging bridges are just wide enough for two lane walking, but the two wheeler traffic on the bridge kept me being pushed to the edges and hanging on for life. I understood why they were called ” jhula” ( swing) and not bridge . Another very common activity in Rishikesh was white water rafting. Between delightful squeals of adventure lovers and the swift turn of the rapids it made an exciting sight to see the rafts getting tossed around in the river. As evening approached the ghats of Rishikesh got into readiness for Ganga Arti. A solemn and beautiful scene to witness. The chants of slokas, the lights of diyas, and the orange of the settings sun reflecting in the flowing Ganga made the noisiest tourists quiet with a few moments of introspection and devotion.

If Ganga is worshipped as a deity so be it. I do not have it in my capacity to belittle faith. Water after all is the life giver to mankind. The river cleansed us and we in return filled it with our dirt for centuries. We have done our bit by polluting the free flow of rivers and streams with our garbage. We have built dams and redirected the flow of water. We have choked the rivers and tributaries thoughtlessly. The river suffers our irresponsible behavior, but doesn’t deny us from water. When we make our water dirty we will get back dirty water in return . We get what we deserve. Beyond my conception of time the river has been flowing, continuing its free flowing journey despite all obstacles. I have no qualms in bowing with reverence before this source of life, river, water, Ganga, Ganga jal, call it as you please.

So the question was ‘ Where is the Ganga jal ?’ After living by the river side for three days, I think I have my answer now . Ganga jal cannot be contained in a bottle or two, Ganga jal cannot be brought back home in jars to be kept in Puja rooms forever. I have to seep my inner self with those cool ever flowing waves of Ganga , that is the only way to keep Ganga within me. I cannot wash away my sins with one dip in the Ganga, I have to let Ganga cleanse me every day by letting it into my thoughts. My tears of joy and pain has to be offered to Ganga as my final homage.

Chorus

The “Me too” waves were reaching the shore,
Hush, they said, make noise no more.
The child is sleeping , don’t wake her up,
For she doesn’t know that she can join the hub.

Two frail hands raised, as she cried “Me too”,
I looked around and saw a face of sixty-two.
Oh quiet lady, your story has passed expiry date,
She would not know, her beginning itself was late.

That girl sleeping on the streets, every night,
She did not know “Me too” was a fight.
The village homes, the urban flats,
Who is counting the “Me too” stats.

They sat huddled, under the red light,
Their glittering dresses, telling of their plight.
Their chorus whisper was turning pretty loud,
Were they entitled to join the “Me too” crowd ?

We are sorry, we took time to speak,
We are sorry, our strength was bleak.
In collective voice we gather strength,
We forgot to measure time’s wave length.

We will not justify reasons for the delay,
For it is not a game of sprint or relay.
Look into our eyes and own up guilt,
Let us see your manhood wilt.

Me too is not a voice or a body shamed,
Me too is in our mind of a face unnamed.
Me too is a call, to twist the hand that caused us pain.
Me too is a mission to obliterate our mental stain.
Me too is not a fashionable trend setter,
Me too is not to make the women feel better.

Me too is not the salt runnnig down with tears,

Me too is the salt of grit and march, to overcome hidden fears.

Me too is a story to be voiced and told,

By the most powerful amongst us and the beautifully bold.